Discover 6 powerful strategies for writers to build resilience and bounce back stronger from rejection and setbacks
As writers, we all face rejection at some point or another. Very often, we face rejection repeatedly. I would argue that how successful we become as writers is largely dependent on how willing we are to put our work out there and face rejection. To do that we have to build resilience.
If we find rejection too painful and give up too soon, we considerably reduce our chances of success.
But let’s be honest—every little rejection is hard
Think about it. We have to sit down and write in the first place. And that requires resilience. Because our first rejection often comes from ourselves:
“This isn’t good enough. It’s a load of rubbish. It’s not original. It doesn’t make sense.”
Then comes sharing ideas and asking for feedback—which is basically inviting criticism! If you’re a screenwriter, you’ll receive criticism over and over again.
Addressing that feedback and going back to the drawing board requires resilience.
“Can I do this all over again?”
Sending your work out—not once, not twice, not three times or five times or ten times—but repeatedly—requires so much resilience.
Finding new and ingenious ways to put yourself out there requires resilience
- If you’re a screenwriter, this might mean not just anonymously entering competitions or leaving everything up to your agent (if you have one), but actually reaching out to producers directly and trying to arrange a chat. That’s scary and requires resilience—toughness, grit. Many of them won’t even reply to you.
- If you’re a novelist, it might mean contacting agents as well as publishers, looking for opportunities to meet them in person, or finding clever ways of connecting with them online—doing it time and time again. Being ignored. Being rejected.
- If you’re self-publishing, it means contacting everyone you know about your book, sharing it on social media, building an author brand, advertising your book—consistently and persistently—because you won’t sell copies if you don’t do this. It doesn’t just happen because you magically ‘get discovered.’ You have to go out and find readers and tell them about your work.
All of these things require us to be brave and resilient. Because every little rejection is painful. But if each setback knocks us for six we may lack the stamina to rise and try again.
How can we build resilience? Here are six strategies:
1. Acknowledge your emotions.
Don’t try to suppress them, minimize them, or tell yourself it was no big deal. Instead, name them and face them head-on. Journal about them if that helps. Naming them helps you become aware of what is going on—then you can acknowledge your pain and deal with it. If you’re pushing it away, you’re not dealing with it. When we name something, it becomes less scary.
2. View rejection as proof that you’re pushing your limits.
I will never forget a talk by the very successful film producer Tim Bevan, who said the road to getting a film made is paved with 1,000 rejections. And he’s happy whenever he gets his first rejection because he knows he’s one step closer. Can you imagine? 1,000 rejections per film. That requires a lot of resilience.
One of my clients has a lovely ritual around rejection:
She prints and files her rejections so that she has tangible proof that she’s consistently putting herself out there.
Then she treats herself to lunch with a friend to celebrate her courage. I think that’s wonderful—because putting yourself out there is hard.
3. Treat yourself with self-compassion.
It might sound fluffy or “new agey,” but there’s actually a lot of research to show that it’s far more effective than beating yourself up. Instead of saying, “You’re so stupid for thinking this would be a success,” could you say: “I’m so sorry you’ve been rejected. That’s so hard for you. You put your baby out there, and this person/producer/publisher/agent didn’t think it was good enough. You’re embarrassed. But you were brave to even try.”
It’s not about self-pity or wallowing in your pain; it’s about treating yourself with the kindness of a friend or loved one. That will give you the courage to try again.
4. Learn from your rejection.
Ask yourself: How can I look at this rejection differently? Also, ask: What could I do differently next time?
- Am I approaching the right people?
- Am I approaching them in the right way?
- Do I need to do more work on this piece of writing?
By the way, I don’t advocate jumping into a rewrite every time you get feedback or a rejection. I recommend doing plenty of work upfront and then starting the process of sending it out. If it keeps getting rejected and you receive the same specific feedback, you might consider pausing to rewrite it. But be wary—this might be an excuse to avoid sending it out again.
5. Remember—this is just one person’s opinion.
Just because they don’t want to publish or produce it doesn’t mean everyone will feel the same way.
6. Protect yourself from harsh criticism.
This doesn’t mean asking for feedback and then telling the person, “I only want to hear good things.” Instead, you could:
- Ensure they know to give you feedback in a balanced way—mixing the positive with the constructive.
- Ask for feedback in writing rather than in person or on a call if that helps you process it more easily.
- Let them know if you’re a beginner or if it’s a first draft, so they have context.
- If your work is out there in the real world, ask people not to show you negative reviews, because there’s nothing you can do about it at that time.
You’ve got this.
You can build resilience. It’s is an ongoing process. But remember, every time we face rejection and choose to keep going, we strengthen our resilience muscles.
Each “no” brings you one step closer to a “yes.”
Coaching
If you’re struggling to build resilience – or perhaps you’re having trouble with any of those other tricky emotions that go hand in hand with writing, I’m here to help. Please book a FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help you bring more joy to your writing process.
FREE RESOURCES
- Silent Scribes happens every fortnight. Why write alone when you could have company?
- London Writers’ Meetup takes place online on the 2nd Tuesday of every month at 7:30 pm UK time. This is a super friendly group. So if you’re stuck, feeling lost, or just want to hang out with other writers and talk about writing—you can ask us anything, share resources, set a writing goal, make writer friends, and come away feeling encouraged and inspired!
- Our Facebook Group is a great way to stay on track with your goals every week. I can’t wait to meet you there.